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Understand when your Man is Emotionally Distant!

18 September 2017 - 15:19


Travel & photography enthusiast, Book worm ,choreomanic, Pluviophile

Have you often wondered why men and women tend to approach relationships differently? 

Women immerse themselves in their romantic relationships, while men place their romantic partners on an equal but distant footing, according to research from Oxford University. Study shows. The study also reveals that generally women are more invested in their relationships than men and that their happiness and well-being is more dependent upon how things are going in their intimate relationships.

Generally, emotional availability in men is different than in woman both because of society’s conditioning and because most men experience interpersonal bonding differently than most women. Men are practically a different species than women. They are logical and analytical while women are emotional and nurturing. It’s not that the relationship isn’t important to men; it’s just that they show it in different ways.

Women constantly wonder what to do when a man becomes distant. When a man appears withdrawn, no matter how hard you try to get closer to him, and often just feel as if things are just getting worse instead of better.

You may ask yourself, “How can I change him? How can I make him more involved in this relationship?” actually, you shouldn’t — so don’t even try. So what is your best course of action when a man seems to be distant, inattentive, and withdrawn? 

Simply put, quite often our first instincts are to try to "talk" to our man about whatever is "bothering" him. So we begin to express the dreaded sentence to a man, "We need to talk." This, quite honestly, makes him pull further away because he senses your neediness. 

Now, you may be thinking, what is needy about wanting to know what is wrong with him? The answer is not one that you might readily understand, but is one that you need to begin to embrace if you are going to draw a man in for the long haul. Anytime your feelings are depending upon what he is feeling, then a man begins to perceive this as needy. In other words, if when a man becomes distant, you begin to feel anxious and insecure, he begins to think that your happiness is dependent upon his doing or saying certain things. This makes him feel obligated and, believe it or not, even trapped. Yah.. Yah I feel it too.., it's hard to sometimes explain how simply wanting to talk about what is bothering him could make him experience these feelings, but unfortunately, that's exactly what happens.

So knowing all of this, what should you do? First, remain calm and peaceful and happy. Take your attention away from him and his issues and begin to focus on your life and what makes you happy and give him the needed space to work through his emotions .This seems a little difficult to believe but men have verified this over and over and women whom have let him work through these emotional times on his own have often found that he returns always. Once he comes to a resolution on his own, he will bounce back with love, support and attention.

For most men, being emotionally available is not just about sharing his emotions; it is about his openness with another person and himself. It’s about where he is at in this moment emotionally and staying with that discomfort, instead of running or presenting it as fixed, resolved or all sorted out. What men want (as a very basic thing), is a woman who understands them. Do you understand your man? They want to be understood and not be nagged, instead, all they want is to feel appreciated. Think about it for a second – isn’t that what we all want, at the end of the day? It’s not such a difficult thing to understand.

The most important thing is to treat your guys like human beings, not like some foreign creatures that you don’t know how to relate to. That’s the biggest mistake people make in relation to the other gender; men are guilty of the same kind of “othering”, where they pretend that women are not like them and that they cannot be understood.

What we have to accept is that no one can lead you to emotional availability not even someone you are truly in love with. You were born with it, then life happened, and we all developed coping strategies.

However these differences can make relationships interesting. Recognize the differences. Embrace the differences. And appreciate what you both bring to your relationship (and don’t forget to tell each other of your appreciation). Allowing each person to embrace who they are and celebrating that will do the best job to increase the intimacy in your relationships.


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