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What to do when you and your spouse disagree on parenting

14 September 2017 - 21:25


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At some point during the process of raising children, you disagree with your spouse on how to parent them. A lot of parents fall into patterns that are based on how their own parents interacted with them when they were younger, however kids always keeps us guessing. Even if you think you have covered every possible scenario of parenting over the years, the little ones always have a surprise in store. 

According to a parent expert Katie Hurley, it is not easy to be on the same page with your spouse every single day, which is not a problem at all. There are times when one parent must step in and take the lead on, or try something different to reach the child. "So those different parenting styles that might cause arguments at times can actually be beneficial, as long as both parents agree to support one another." says Hurley.

She suggests doing the following four simple things, to parent the child as a team. 

Check in with each other every week

Instead of arguing, Hurley recommends to set a specific time each week to sit down and talk to your spouse about what is working with your child and what is not. "Honest communication is the most essential piece of the puzzle when it comes to parenting as a team." suggests Katie Hurley. Connect more as a couple, create a judgement-free zone and share positives and negatives while making a 'parenting wish-list.' 

Stop blaming one another

It is important to emphathize with children when they are upset, making them feel heard and understood. However, when emphathizing, it can be damaging to caste blame on your spouse, increasing stress and tension for the child. "When parents blame each other, kids feel stressed and anxious. They feel the weight of the family discord and take on the negative feelings." says hurley. It is best to avoid blame and talk about the situation as a family. solving the problem and identifying how it can be prevent in the future.

Find the middle ground

Even if you and your spouse disagree on a lot of things when it comes to parenting, there will a few things you do agree on. It is important to identify the areas of parenting you both agree in so that you can build a positive foundation. Regardless of how basic the circle of things you agree is, write it down and build from there.

What do you want your child to learn?

That is the simple question Hurley says all parents must focus on to solve dilemmas. While there are some parents who do not look the other way for as long as they can, others throw in a list of consqueunces if the child does not follow rules. However neither strategy works. If you want your child to succeed, help by focusing on what you want your child to learn. 

"Getting on the same page isn’t always easy. But parenting together makes for healthier, less stressed children and a happier home." according to Katie Hurley.


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